1891
• Watse Bierma immigrates from the Netherlands to the United States. Records in journal, “This wonderful new land of opportunity risks degenerating into orgy of capitalism with idolatrous worship of soda and SUV’s.”

1948
• William, Watse’s son, is married in Sioux Center, Iowa. Remarks to young bride, “Iowa is such an unenlightened place. Let’s move to Grand Rapids!”

1959
• William leaves for Africa with family as missionary to Nigeria. Son Lyle, 9,  fascinated with latest invention, the aeroplane, bothers pilot the whole trip.

April 1974
• Lyle marries Dawn Boerman in Zeeland, Michigan. After the reception, newlyweds vow to selves never to have kids. Still regret breaking that vow. 

September 6, 1979
• ESPN debuts, announces it is looking for young recruits.

September 26, 1979
• Lyle and Dawn deliver first child at Duke University Medical Center. Minutes later, proud papa says he must get back to studying for his Ph.D. Weary mother, when told baby weighs over ten pounds, faints.

June 1980
• Young parents, watching newest family member devour baby food, remark to selves,
“North Carolina is such an unenlightened place. Let’s move to Grand Rapids!”

October 13, 1980
• Andrea Kloostra is born in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

November 6, 1980
• Seemingly to spite her, Ronald Reagan is elected President of the United States in a landslide.

August 9, 1982
• Lisa Bierma is born in Grand Rapids. Her only sibling, now almost three, jealously plots her demise. 

August 1984
• Biermas leave for Nigeria for Lyle to teach a semester at the seminary there. I am dragged kicking and screaming onto plane when told there will be no “Sesame Street” there. Incident came up in therapy last week.

October 1988
• I make speech in third grade class in support of Democratic presidential candidate Michael Dukakis. Get only blank looks. Mumble afterwards, “How should I know West Michigan was one of the most Republican places on earth?”

September 1989
• Biermas move from cozy Alger Heights in Grand Rapids even farther into the suburbs, failing to stem the national curse of urban sprawl. New house is only four blocks from Calvin College. Both Bierma children begin to suffer inexplicable trembling spells. 

September 1989
• Lisa and I begin classes at new school, Sylvan Elementary. Weeks later, Berlin Wall falls (read into that what you will).

September 1990
• Lisa and I begin one year of homeschooling. I heartily approve of the arrangement, expecting (incorrectly) to have more time to watch “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.”

August 1994
• Begin Grand Rapids Christian High School. Upon receiving first issue of the Eagle Eye, remark, “School newspaper? Hey, that sounds fun.”

September 20, 1994
• Meet fellow student council member Andrea Kloostra while we both pour coffee at school open house. First note to self: She has a great smile. Second note to self: Am I in her league?

October 1994
• Cut from basketball team. Fear life is over.

March 1995
• Win Optimist Club oratory contest. Glad life is not over, disappointed prize is not cash. 

May 1997
• At state finals for high school forensics speech, announced state champion at awards ceremony.  Emcee immediately corrects self: “I’m sorry, that’s Nathan Bierma in second place.” Consult with lawyer whether murder is legal. But hey, winning isn’t everything, right? Right?

October 1997
• First broadcast of Eaglevison, high school morning announcements broadcast, as sidekick and straight man to Nick Dekker, thrice voted the Funniest Man In America by a panel of me. 

December 1997
• On assignment for Eaglevision in Mount Pleasant, Michigan at the girls high school basketball finals, watch high octane Eagles win title, gratefully hear them utter useful postgame sound bites to school reporter with only vague idea of what he is doing.

February 1998
• Play Tevye in high school production of “Fiddler on the Roof,” cower at the task of portraying a Jewish icon as a blond Dutchman. Try unsuccessfully to talk three daughters out of ill-conceived, heretical marriages.

June 1998
• First date with Andrea, beginning extended period in which I am apt to sporadically hum dreamily without notice.

September 1998
• Begin classes at Calvin College in Grand Rapids. Go to work as sports editor of student newspaper, Chimes. Upon finding out the paper is notorious for scathing critiques and satire of the administration, the Republican party, and religious establishment, remark: “cool.”

October 1999
• Citing “divergent goal orientations and near-term outlooks,” announce separation with Andrea to a scandal-hungry tabloid press. 

October 31, 1999
• Drive down to Chicago for first time in almost a decade. Instantly fascinated, and embarrassed I ignored the place for so long, I begin a period of habitually visiting the city every few weeks, as though in penance.

January 10, 2000
• Meet Republican presidential candidate John McCain at GOP debate at Calvin. Politely decline offer to become his new campaign manager. 

March 2000
• Confirm tabloid rumors Andrea and I are considering reunion. Spotted on first official date since breakup. Tabloid headline: “Happy Endings Do Exist!”

June 2000
• Andrea, trying to put partisan politics aside, goes to work at campaign office for respected local Republican Congressman. Seethes while overhearing another staff member say she can’t imagine marrying a Democrat since “they wouldn’t have any morals.” Fears I might not be the ideal counterexample.

October 2000 
• In one week, publish articles in the Detroit Free Press, the Grand Rapids Press, and, best of all, The Banner (along with two in Chimes, including a soon to be infamous article on discernment and football). Laptop announces its retirement. 

January 2001
• Introduce world's greatest living sportswriter, Frank Deford, at Calvin’s January Series. At last minute, edit out “I love you, man!” from prepared remarks.

June 2, 2001
• Move to New York City for summer internship. On first trip on subway, fight off three different muggers with letter opener.

August 4, 2001
• Move back to GR, having suffered only four bruises and three cuts to the head requiring a mere few dozen stitches.

August 27, 2001
• Move to Chicago. Vow never to leave.

December 8, 2001
• Move back, dragged kicking and screaming.

June 8, 2002
• Marry Andrea, report sensation of “walking on clouds, toes tickled by stardust.” Sued by Mother Goose for strong resemblance to fairy tale marriage.

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